Romeo and Juleit: A Satire

Hello, I know I'm not supposed to break the 4th wall and speak to you directly, dear reader, but hear me out... Have you ever been so angry at being forced to read something that you wrote a 35,000-word response to a 28,000-word text? Have you ever wondered what Romeo and Juliet would be like if, say, Juliet was only dating Romeo... to piss off her dad? What if, hypothetically speaking, Romeo was not so much in love with Juliet as captivated by certain ...proportions? After spending decades as an obsessive comedy nerd, I finally decided to put some pants on and write my own little satire. Are you even wearing pants? I'm wearing pants. I guess I wasn't going to judge if you weren't. Why are we talking about your pants? If you can imagine a scrawny little comedy-nerd cramming 20+ years of an obsessive joke collecting into one play, you're kind of getting the picture. All the late nights devouring obscure animated comedies. All the late nights devouring even more obscure improv sketches. They're all in there. It's the good old Romeo and Juliet you know and love. It's exactly the same except that I set it about 500 years in the future and added light swords, the internet, and maybe some robots. I then added some references to all the Romeo and Juliet fanfiction that has accreted over the centuries. I then added a secret plot layer that only super-literary nerds are going to notice. I then ran it by some Shakespeare scholars to see what they thought... ...and after some hard work and study, I'd like to say that I think identified all the sacred cows ...and murdered them all. So, exactly the same, except for the above. Have you ever wondered if there was something out there more fun than what they make you suffer through in English class? I hope my little book finds you well.